Since the office is quiet today, I decided to write a blog post to update on what’s been going on with TTC. I am currently on round 4 of Femara/Letrozole 5mg. My last 2 rounds I ovulated! Which is wonderful that the medicine is helping me. But no BFP unfortunately. Both times my hopes were extremely high.
After round 2, I was a wreck for about 3 days. Emotions all over the place and lots of tears. Once round 3 worked and I had ovulated again, I was ecstatic that we are finally on the right track with a medicine and dosage that works for me. When AF showed, I wasn’t too surprised. Bummed, yes. A ball of tears, no. I knew in my mind that I would be jumping right in to round 4 with the hope that 3 times ovulating in a row, that we will be successful. Today is CD14, and so far my clear blue advanced ovulation test is right on track with last cycle’s fertility days. Previous 2 rounds, I ovulated both times on CD17 and had a 30 day cycle. Because of that, I kind of know what to expect and have been a bit more laid back about baby dancing this time. Due to ovulation pain, I am almost 100% sure that I ovulated from my left ovary both times. Hoping my right ovary wakes up and does the work this go round, since that is also the ovary I think I ovulated from with my chemical pregnancy in January. My OB has mentioned us doing and HSG to check for blockages, which I very well could have on the left side. Not that I know any of this for sure, but just using my knowledge of my own body to make these assumptions.
I have also decided that if this round is unsuccessful, I will be taking at least a month off from meds. (If my doctor agrees I am making the right decision.) Reasons being, mental health, weight gain, and making the time to schedule an HSG. So far I am up 17lbs since we started trying with Femara, and I am so unhappy about my weight gain after working so hard with a strict Keto diet where I lost almost 25lbs. I had someone comment to me recently that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself when it comes to weight gain on fertility meds. Her wisdom gave me the boost I needed to stop beating myself up. She said, “The weight is justified, you are basically sacrificing your health and figure to help bring this child closer to being born, it’s a labor of love, even if it makes us fat, it’s a fat we can be proud of.” Now I can’t say that I am proud of the fat lol, but I am extremely proud of myself for the strength I did not realize I had. I am doing all of this for my future baby. Making these sacrifices and putting my body through some pretty rough stuff, all to bring my baby into this world. I love this baby that doesn’t even exist yet, so much, that I cannot imagine NOT being willing to go through all of this to give them life.
I actually have a private/separate Instagram account from my main one, which I use to interact with and get/give support to other women going through infertility. These women are all SO INCREDIBLY STRONG. Seeing others going through this same battle has given me so much reassurance that I can do this, and one day I will be successful.
I know I may have readers that actually found my blog through Pinterest or another avenue, and not through my private (TTC)Instagram account. So, if you would like to follow my journey with a few more updates than I put out on here, feel free to look me up (kmliving_ttc). It is a private account that I have had some back and forth feelings about and have gone from public to private on multiple occasions, simply because its kind of scary putting it all out there like that. The fear of wondering if I am being judged or talked about has always been one of my biggest flaws. My fears also sometimes get the best of me, which is why I try to avoid that by shutting people out. I’ve been extremely uncomfortable in the past when followed by a couple people that I know personally and I have also removed followers in the past because of these insecurities. (I am so sorry if you’re one of those people, you can follow again if you’d like to. I’m over those insecurities… mostly. Or at least I am trying to be. Hey, I never said I was perfect, and sometimes I do things because of my emotions without really thinking things through.)
Recently, I have kind of this new found sense of confidence in myself and my journey, so I am feeling a bit more open to having my Instagram account being found/followed at this time. I am one month shy of 2 years on this rollercoaster, and not feeling so unsure of myself anymore. I know my body, and I know myself. I know a lot about PCOS, and I know a lot about TTC. More than I ever thought I would. And I share my journey on Instagram as an outlet for myself and my thoughts, because let’s be honest… my real life friends don’t really want to know about my every ovulation/side effect/emotion/test result/etc. Yes they care and want to be updated. But on Instagram, in the #ttccommunity, it’s different. And it just feels good to put something on Instagram whenever I want. When I am thinking or feeling some kind of way. And when I am just dying to share my excitement about ovulating, or sadness over AF showing up. Then, to have women in similar situations share wisdom with me and cheer me on has been an incredible thing to be a part of since day one.
I guess that is really it for this post. In honor of October being Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month, I will have another post up soon. Keep an eye out for it! And as always, thank you for reading and following along this journey with me. <3
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