Wow... I cannot believe it has been over 5 months since my last blog post. I know I’ll always look back at this gap in time on here and feel a little sad about the missing details. As much as I can say I am disappointed in myself for that being the case, I also feel proud of myself for putting my focus elsewhere. Into spending time with Landen, into taking care of my home, into exercising and trying to better my health and into my marriage. But now, I am feeling inspired to get back to documenting and sharing and just writing in general. And just getting things out.
Becoming a mom changed me in multiple ways. Just as becoming a dad changed Jonathan. While I know some people fall into these roles so naturally and work well together, it’s not easy on everyone. I can’t speak for Jonathan and his thoughts and feelings, but I feel that this dramatic change to our lives has been more difficult on him than expected. He and I both knew the sacrifices that would come with having a child, but knowing it and doing it is two different things. The schedules, the lack of sleep, the being late to things, the fussiness, the whole thing of someone else’s needs coming before your own. Maybe it’s harder for some dads. Maybe it’s harder for most dads, but in "Facebookland", everyone makes it seem like their significant others are these incredible selfless super dads that fall easily into the fatherhood role. Maybe it IS easy on them and they are these perfect men/spouses/fathers (I doubt it). But I do know, without a doubt, that becoming a father has been difficult for Jonathan. It’s been difficult for us as a couple. Our marriage has been tested. I feel the need to share this because I think so many couples have this same experience and challenges, but not many people talk about it. Or they don’t want to. They want everyone to believe that everything is just peachy keen.
While Jonathan became the sole provider for me to be a SAHM, he also had to take a step into the background while all of my attention shifted to our son. He had to navigate learning to be more patient than ever, still function on very little sleep, figure out how to encourage me in my new role, and realize that his wants and desires come second now. I can only imagine the internal struggle he experienced and may still be becoming familiarized with.
For myself, it was easier to fall into the mother role. Easy to put my needs last. Sometimes I don’t get to shower as much as should, I don’t get to always eat warm meals, sometimes I don’t get to sleep...at all. Yes there have been frustrations, but overall those changes haven’t seemed like that big of a deal to me.
So through this, Jonathan and I have bickered and argued and said mean things that we didn’t mean. We have done a little yelling, I’ve done my fair share of crying. We’ve had a few really serious conversations. We did together come to the conclusion that lack of sleep is the main culprit in our attitudes, short tempers and disdain towards one another. And we are doing our best to work through these issues and to become better. Love each other more and show each other compassion. To forgive one another and to be proud of each other. And to help each other by working more as a team in all things.
Even though we have had this trying time in our marriage, we still love each other deeply. We’ve been able to experience all of the great moments together also. The pride of seeing Landen learn a new skill. The joy of hearing him laugh and play with one another. And just those moments when as a team we work through the simple tasks of dinner together, or bath time fun, or getting him ready for bed and playing for a little while in his room as a family. Those moments far outweigh the difficult ones. They say the first year as new parents is the hardest on a marriage. I can certainly attest that this has been the case for us. But at 9 and a half months in, it’s starting to feel less hard. We are starting to work well together. We have gotten more in tune with these roles as Landen’s Mama and Daddy. And we have also put more emphasis into being Jonathan’s wife and Katelyn’s husband. It’s just taken time to figure it all out, and we are still working hard to do so. Some days we work well as a team and some days we still have things to figure out.
So to wrap this up, if new parenthood has put a strain on your marriage/relationship, you are not alone. And you can see it through as long as you have open and honest conversations together and just promise to each other to keep trying to be better and treat each other with the love, care and concern that you want to receive. Let go of the ugly moments, forgive each other, start each day with a fresh new attitude. Let go of any unrealistic expectations that you had of how things would be. Remember that this period in time of little to no sleep will not last forever. Not long from now, we will all look back on this extremely short period of time and feel sadness of how quick everything went. The days are long, but the months will fly by. (As will the years, I’m sure.) Cherish it all, even the difficult moments. It’s all a normal part of this chapter of life.
