I'm Pregnant! - Femara R4 Success

I cannot even believe that I am writing this post right now. 5 days after what would have been my due date, I unexpectedly received a positive pregnancy test…On the afternoon of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day (October 15th). I am completely amazed and blown away. I wholeheartedly believed that we would be unsuccessful, as we were in the previous two ovulatory cycles on Femara. I had mentally prepared for taking a break from medicated cycles. I had a game plan to get my butt back to a gym regimen and “get fit.” I completely did not think this would happen. Like everyone says… “When you least expect it.” --- I always hated when people would tell me that, because I always thought to myself, “How in the world can I “least expect it” when I am doing medicated cycles, trying to make it happen?” But here we are.

When getting the positive at 9dpo, I started with a cheapy wondfo. There was the faintest of faint lines, which looked more like an indent to me. Nothing to be excited by, but enough of something to make me want to test with a FRER. And holy cow, when that faint line appeared, I lost it. Down on my knees, boohooing in the bathroom floor. Complete shock and praising God for allowing this to happen. While also begging Him to please let me keep my baby this time. Once I gained my composure I had to tell Jonathan immediately. No special surprise onesie for him this time, I simply walked out to the garage while he’s upside down wiring up some gauges in his drag truck and say, “Jonathan I’m pregnant.” He was shocked and completely taken of guard because originally, I had planned on waiting a bit longer to test. We hugged, and I cried some more. We were both extremely reserved, simply because of what happened last time. We are trying to keep calm, cool and collected, just in case.

I am only 13 dpo today, and staying cautiously optimistic. But given the fact that my test lines are now darker than they ever were during my chemical in January, plus I’ve had 2 blood draws now, I am feeling that little bit of reassurance that this is really it. I am going to have a healthy baby and a healthy full term pregnancy! 

Here’s some quick numbers for you, HCG at 10dpo – 18. HCG at 12dpo – 63. More than doubled! Progesterone had me a little nervous at 10dpo 13.3, even though my OB was pleased with it. At 12dpo Progesterone was at 21.6. My OB’s office only wanted to do the one blood draw (unless I was bleeding). So, for my own peace of mind, I paid out of pocket to get the 12dpo blood work done by a lab. $88 was COMPLETELY worth it to see that everything is going as it should.

This morning, with a darker 2nd line on my FRER, I decided to call my OB and schedule my first ultrasound. She advised me to go three more weeks, so November 9th will be the day we will see our baby for the first time. I just hope these next 3 weeks go by so fast. I will be just shy of 7 weeks pregnant by then.

Symptoms to note: Off and on twinges, slightly weird taste in my mouth, and laying on the chiropractor table for my adjustment yesterday had my boobs SCREAMING at me. Other than that, nothing of major importance. Every now and then I feel this little dizzy headrush, but I think that’s simply because my brain keeps reminding me …. “You are pregnant!” 

I am praising God for allowing this to happen. He has strengthened me and given me the courage I have needed to go through multiple medicated cycles and to never give up the hope that we will beat infertility. And I am just praying that this baby I am carrying today is healthy and growing, and will be the greatest blessing I will ever receive. Thank you God!

TTC Update: Femara R4 / Weight Gain / Instagram

Since the office is quiet today, I decided to write a blog post to update on what’s been going on with TTC. I am currently on round 4 of Femara/Letrozole 5mg. My last 2 rounds I ovulated! Which is wonderful that the medicine is helping me. But no BFP unfortunately. Both times my hopes were extremely high. 

After round 2, I was a wreck for about 3 days. Emotions all over the place and lots of tears. Once round 3 worked and I had ovulated again, I was ecstatic that we are finally on the right track with a medicine and dosage that works for me. When AF showed, I wasn’t too surprised. Bummed, yes. A ball of tears, no. I knew in my mind that I would be jumping right in to round 4 with the hope that 3 times ovulating in a row, that we will be successful. Today is CD14, and so far my clear blue advanced ovulation test is right on track with last cycle’s fertility days. Previous 2 rounds, I ovulated both times on CD17 and had a 30 day cycle. Because of that, I kind of know what to expect and have been a bit more laid back about baby dancing this time. Due to ovulation pain, I am almost 100% sure that I ovulated from my left ovary both times. Hoping my right ovary wakes up and does the work this go round, since that is also the ovary I think I ovulated from with my chemical pregnancy in January. My OB has mentioned us doing and HSG to check for blockages, which I very well could have on the left side. Not that I know any of this for sure, but just using my knowledge of my own body to make these assumptions. 

I have also decided that if this round is unsuccessful, I will be taking at least a month off from meds. (If my doctor agrees I am making the right decision.) Reasons being, mental health, weight gain, and making the time to schedule an HSG. So far I am up 17lbs since we started trying with Femara, and I am so unhappy about my weight gain after working so hard with a strict Keto diet where I lost almost 25lbs. I had someone comment to me recently that I shouldn’t be so hard on myself when it comes to weight gain on fertility meds. Her wisdom gave me the boost I needed to stop beating myself up. She said, “The weight is justified, you are basically sacrificing your health and figure to help bring this child closer to being born, it’s a labor of love, even if it makes us fat, it’s a fat we can be proud of.” Now I can’t say that I am proud of the fat lol, but I am extremely proud of myself for the strength I did not realize I had. I am doing all of this for my future baby. Making these sacrifices and putting my body through some pretty rough stuff, all to bring my baby into this world. I love this baby that doesn’t even exist yet, so much, that I cannot imagine NOT being willing to go through all of this to give them life. 

I actually have a private/separate Instagram account from my main one, which I use to interact with and get/give support to other women going through infertility. These women are all SO INCREDIBLY STRONG. Seeing others going through this same battle has given me so much reassurance that I can do this, and one day I will be successful. 

I know I may have readers that actually found my blog through Pinterest or another avenue, and not through my private (TTC)Instagram account. So, if you would like to follow my journey with a few more updates than I put out on here, feel free to look me up (kmliving_ttc). It is a private account that I have had some back and forth feelings about and have gone from public to private on multiple occasions, simply because its kind of scary putting it all out there like that. The fear of wondering if I am being judged or talked about has always been one of my biggest flaws. My fears also sometimes get the best of me, which is why I try to avoid that by shutting people out. I’ve been extremely uncomfortable in the past when followed by a couple people that I know personally and I have also removed followers in the past because of these insecurities. (I am so sorry if you’re one of those people, you can follow again if you’d like to. I’m over those insecurities… mostly. Or at least I am trying to be. Hey, I never said I was perfect, and sometimes I do things because of my emotions without really thinking things through.) 

Recently, I have kind of this new found sense of confidence in myself and my journey, so I am feeling a bit more open to having my Instagram account being found/followed at this time. I am one month shy of 2 years on this rollercoaster, and not feeling so unsure of myself anymore. I know my body, and I know myself. I know a lot about PCOS, and I know a lot about TTC. More than I ever thought I would. And I share my journey on Instagram as an outlet for myself and my thoughts, because let’s be honest… my real life friends don’t really want to know about my every ovulation/side effect/emotion/test result/etc. Yes they care and want to be updated. But on Instagram, in the #ttccommunity, it’s different. And it just feels good to put something on Instagram whenever I want. When I am thinking or feeling some kind of way. And when I am just dying to share my excitement about ovulating, or sadness over AF showing up. Then, to have women in similar situations share wisdom with me and cheer me on has been an incredible thing to be a part of since day one. 

I guess that is really it for this post. In honor of October being Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness month, I will have another post up soon. Keep an eye out for it! And as always, thank you for reading and following along this journey with me. <3

I'm a Bad Blogger

I’ve done it again…. Completely slacked and haven’t paid any attention to this thing I call my blog.

Life has been going a hundred miles a minute it feels like. We are constantly go go go, dinner with friends, birthday parties, office work to do, doctor appointments, sickness, bible studies, house chores, and finally a vacation!

It has been hard to even feel like I have time to unwind most days, so this vacation was so well deserved.

Jonathan and I went just the two of us, to Myrtle Beach, SC for vacation last week and enjoyed our time together so much. I won’t bore you with day-to-day details. But here are just a few pictures from our trip. Wax Museum, Beach, Pool, Alabama Theatre, Aquarium, Sky Wheel, Yummy Food, NAPS, games and just being together.

I needed this trip so bad. It was during my TWW and helped to make the time go by faster and just gave me the opportunity to not obsess (as much), like I usually do during a TWW. Femara/Letrozole 5mg worked this time and I ovulated! Woohoo! On CD17, which I was proud of! So my hopes were extremely high. Sad to say we did not get a BFP on this round, and my period started yesterday, right on time, on my 28th birthday. I’ll spare you of all my thoughts and feelings this time, because it’s nothing new. I guess maybe I wasn’t AS upset because at least the medicine worked and my ovaries did their job. We just didn’t get lucky enough to conceive. I did have a good birthday though despite some killer cramps. My Dad picked me up at work and took me to lunch. My office had a cute birthday cake for me. And like every year, went out to dinner with my Mom, Jonathan, and my Granny for a “joined” birthday dinner at Maggiano’s since Granny’s birthday is two days after mine.

 

Disappointment and PMS had me feeling pretty lousy leading up to yesterday. But now that it’s a new cycle, I’m starting the rollercoaster all over again. Excitement and expectation building for this NEXT round to work and for us to hopefully conceive. It’s crazy how the ups and downs have my emotions always going crazy. I will admit, I am trying to be cautiously optimistic this time. If you’ve been keeping up with my journey, you know I previously did 3 rounds of Clomid. 1st didn’t ovulate, 2nd Ovulated and had my chemical pregnancy, and then on the 3rd round… my body did not ovulate and I was completely disappointed. So going into round 3 of Femara, I am hopeful but also preparing myself in case it doesn’t work again this time. But I am continuing to put my faith in God that he knows what he's doing and that he will allow it to happen at the perfect time.

This will be our 6th round of fertility meds, and to be honest… it’s getting old. I’m not exactly sure but I’m thinking we may have to take a little break if this round doesn’t work. Simply because Jonathan and I both are starting to get a little burnt out on this journey. The last thing I want is for this to affect our marriage in a negative way. So we shall see how we are feeling if this round doesn’t do the trick. We are approaching 2 years of TTC and I truly never thought it was going to take this long. I knew we might struggle, but seriously…I didn’t expect it to be the journey that it has become. We have started letting more friends, family and even simple acquaintances in on our struggle. If people ask, I don’t lie anymore. I simply say we’ve been trying for quite some time and it’s been a difficult road so far. Sometimes it feels good being honest, sometimes it doesn’t. But I think it’s beneficial to be up front with people, especially when they ask. It brings more awareness to the struggles some couples have and teaches others to be sensitive to the subject of infertility. It’s something that I wouldn’t wish for anyone to go through and people will never fully understand the turmoil unless they have walked the same road.

So moving forward, I’ll update on here when life/time allows for it. I may or may not take a hiatus from ALL social media for some time during this next round, simply to help with stress and anxiety. Not to mention just taking a break from it all will also be good for my mental health. Going to be hard, but I plan on completely deleting the Facebook and Instagram apps completely from my phone during this time so I will not be tempted. Small goals first so I don’t chicken out. My first goal will be 3 days. If I can make it 3 full days, I will extend to a week. And if that week goes great and I am feeling good about it, I will determine how much longer I want to continue. I’ve never taken a break from social media, so no guarantees I’ll be any good at it. But we shall see…

If you’re reading this, maybe you can take a moment to think about your own mental health and might even consider taking a 3 day break also, just to see how you feel afterwards. Good luck!

On to Round 2 - Weekend Recap with my Love

This past weekend was a fun one spent one on one with my love. We don’t get many weekends just the 2 of us due to his racing schedule/addiction. Lol! And with him being a business owner, he does end up working fairly often on the weekend. So Friday night, we had tickets to go see a Lee Brice, LANCO and Lewis Brice concert at Innsbrook Afterhours. We got there right after gates opened and propped our chairs up front row (behind the VIP section) which was awesome! Right as Lewis Brice finished up his set, it started to storm pretty badly. Of course, for liability reasons, the cops on duty kicked us all out of the fenced in area to wait out the storm. We left our chairs in hopes that our spot would be saved when coming back in. Which we were lucky and got right back in that spot. The concert was lots of fun with great music and singing our hearts out… plus on and off rain which kept us cool in this Virginia humidity. We heard LANCO (loveee!) and Lee Brice sang some of his more popular songs before lightning struck again making them call it a night.

Saturday, was partly cloudy and VERY cool for this time of year! We took the boat out for about 5 hours and soaked up the sun! We both got burnt pretty good since we couldn’t actually feel the sun on our skin until it was too late.

This book is amazing by the way.

 

  

After our boat ride, we went home, showered and got ready to go out to dinner at one of my FAVORITES! Maggiano’s! If you have one near you, definitely worth the extra cost for some wonderful Italian food. The weather being as beautiful as it was, we ate out on the patio and I had me a glass of Sangria.

We walked around the mall after, went into Lush for the first time and treated myself to some bath oils, bombs, and a hair treatment called ROOTS. Then went to Alex and Ani and got myself a new bracelet off the clearance table.

Sunday, Jonathan did have to work for a while. So I stayed home and cleaned house, did a few loads of laundry and worked in our home office getting some invoices sent out to customers. We REALLY spoiled ourselves with our meals this weekend (definitely didn’t stick to my Keto diet), and went out to Kabuto’s (Hibachi) for dinner. Our chef was great, and sang songs to us and cracked jokes the whole time. Sometimes you get a dud that doesn’t like to perform, but this guy most definitely earned his tips from the three couples he was cooking for. He said, "call me Black Panda." HAHAHA!

 

It was a wonderful weekend spent focusing on each other, and I loved every minute of it. Back to racing this upcoming weekend, so I have to soak up all the spoiling when I can.

Going to work on Monday morning is never fun, but I had to wake up super early for a blood draw. Plus my coworker is on vacation this week, so I am manning the office by myself. It can get pretty stressful and busy at times, but I am enjoying the peace of having the place to myself. Don't get me wrong, I love my coworker, but I think she likes hearing herself talk. She literally never shuts up! I hate saying that, but sometimes you just want to work in silence instead of being interrupted every 15 seconds by her chatting, or narrating every move she makes… or just making noises. Or saying the same things she says every.single.day over and over and over again. I will say though, that since my miscarriage, I have really opened up to her about my struggle with infertility and its been a HUGE weight off my shoulders to have her know the complete 100% truth. She is super understanding about all of my appointments and even now more aware of the cause of my moodiness at times. Its been probably the best decision I could have made telling her the truth.

Anyways, round one of Femara 2.5mg did not work, and even though I had a few days in a slump of sadness and disappointment, I am ready to press onward! My Monday morning blood work confirmed for my doctor that I did not ovulate. She called me today at lunch time today to tell me our plan for round 2. First off, we are jumping right into 10 days of Prometrium to get a new cycle started. Then, I will be taking 5mg of Femara days 3-7 this time, and hoping that the stronger dose will make my ovaries do work! Feeling positive and hopeful, but trying to keep my hopes in check in case we don’t get the desired results. I am so pleased with my new OB. She always calls me personally, instead of having a nurse do it. And she is on board with keeping things moving, rather than waiting around until day 35 or later to get progressing to a new cycle.

I just want to say thank you to anyone who actually reads all this stuff I write. Sometimes I think I’m pretty weird for writing these posts for anyone (or no one) to see. But its actually pretty therapeutic, feeling like I am updating someone on my life. And if anything, I will be able to look back at these posts in the future and remember the journey to get where I am going. <3

TTC Update: Femara / Weekend Recap / 2nd Wedding Anniversary

Haven’t put out a post in a while; life has been TOO busy lately. Figured I would come on here and give a quick TTC update AND a recap of this past fun weekend we had.

I actually saw my new OBGYN on 6/14 for my annual exam. Being 10dpo, I asked them to do a pregnancy test. I knew it would be negative since I had already tested myself that morning, but I wanted them to test too...negative. I was able to just talk to my new doctor for a good 15 minutes about everything that has occurred up to that point. I also explained to her that I believe I have PCOS but never had a doctor willing to do the work to give me a diagnosis. Well she said they would take care of that! Love having an OB that wants to help and get answers! She did my exam then took lots of blood work. Tested Progesterone (confirmed I did ovulate but was fairly low), Thyroid (normal), Diabetes (negative) and lastly Testosterone (was on the HIGH end of normal). Last thing to be done was to get an ultrasound to look at my ovaries. I went in the following Thursday, had my first ever ultrasound, and low and behold… each ovary had 8-10 small cysts. Its official, I have a formal PCOS diagnosis. Not that I doubted I did, but to finally have a professional confirm it gave me the satisfaction of knowing that EVERYTHING I have gone through, and “symptoms” I deal with regularly are not just in my head. There is a culprit. And its name is Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome.
After reviewing my ultrasound with my Dr, I told her I was on CD6 and even though she prefers days 3-7, she went ahead and gave me a prescription for the lowest dose of Femara/Letrozole (2.5mg) to try this cycle. Said we will up it to 5mg next time if I don’t ovulate this round. I was literally so excited and on cloud 9 the rest of the day about getting to start right away. I thought I was going to have to wait through this cycle before getting some help. Of course I quit taking Vitex because I don’t think it’s smart to combine the two. (Although she didn’t tell me to quit the Vitex. I don’t think she knew much about it.)
So, as of today (6/27 – CD12), I have finished taking my first round of Femara and thinking maybe I’m feeling a little bit going on with my ovaries. The side effects haven’t been nearly as extreme as Clomid. I do feel fatigued, like all the time, but no nausea, no hot flashes, no headaches, minor moodiness (so far lol). Now I am just hoping that I’m growing a couple good follicles and will ovulate in a timely manner. So that’s that!

On to the fun weekend recap.
Friday after work, I got my nails done and spent the rest of the evening relaxing. Then Saturday, DRAG RACING! Due to flooding here locally Thursday night, and rain forecasted for Saturday, races near us were all cancelled.




So we decided to check out Roxboro Dragway in Timberlake, NC. It was our first time there, but we really liked it a lot. It is a very nice facility. They had a few guys from Street Outlaws there, and Nitro Mike Kunz was there. (He holds the world record for longest wheel stand.) So it was a larger event then I think they usually have.


 

Two of Jonathan’s racing buddies also made the trip down with us which it was nice so we knew some other people there. I cooked burgers on the grill and got a good suntan being out there in the heat. But it was an awesome day! Jonathan WON in Footbrake, and made it all the way to the semi-finals in Top which is a HUGE accomplishment! We were rushing a lot towards the end because he kept having to race, then come right back the staging lanes and race again. His buddies had lost earlier in the day and were able to help him fuel up and check tire air pressure, so he could kind of focus and stay in the zone. He had a young boy come up and ask for his autograph. (So sweet!) Another man came up to him and pointed up at the bleachers saying “My son is your biggest fan, been cheering for you all day!” It was really cool to see Jonathan getting recognized for the awesome racer he is! Even though I would have to disagree, because I am his TRUE biggest fan. Ha! Not to mention his truck was running awesome all day! When I saw his win light come on in the final, I was screaming and jumping up and down and everyone was looking at me smiling because I was so darn excited and proud I couldn’t contain myself. For the first time, I went up to the other racer’s girlfriend and told her that it was an awesome race and shook her hand. It was such a close race, but we were on the winning end this time. When he red lit in the Top semifinals against a dragster, I was a little sad for him but still so thrilled that he already won in the other class.
Drag racing is such a great sport with some really awesome people. Most guys (and girls) would do anything to help their fellow racer.
Needless to say, he made a name for himself at Roxboro Motorsports Park and his friend requests have been BLOWING up ever since.


We got our picture taken in the winner’s circle, then loaded up and made the 2.5 hour drive home. Which put us getting home after 1AM. Next morning I slept in a bit while Jonathan got some office work done. We went to good old Cracker Barrel for breakfast, then I had to do my part of paperwork in the office for a couple hours. Finished that and went to visit my friend Candace; we baked some amazing cookies and played with her daughter Lola. I had to boogie home and wake Jonathan up from his nap so we could go out to dinner with my Granny, Mom and Ed to a new place called the Tasty Crab for dinner. It was sooooo Yummy! Love crablegs! Even better when they are free; Mom and Ed treated us to our meal for our anniversary.



Monday June 25th, Jonathan and I celebrated our 2nd Wedding Anniversary by going out to dinner together. 2 Years of Marriage and we have already created such a beautiful life together. I am so incredibly blessed to be married to such an amazing man. No mushy love letter to share with ya’ll this year since it was a bit more personal and private. But I am so looking forward and excited to now be transitioning into our 3rd year of marriage and all that we will get to experience together in the future.
I hope to get a pic like this on our anniversary every year so we can see how each of us changes over the years.