Emotional Wreck

I know these kind of posts are bound to be annoying, but this is where I come to lay it all out there.

So first, update on taking Clomid. Today is CD 15 and I haven’t ovulated yet. Which is really discouraging. I’m still hopeful that I will ovulate but hasn’t happened as of today.
The five days of taking it, I had several side effects. Vivid dreams, hot flashes, moody, bloated/swollen in my ovary areas, cramps, and most of all, I was ravenous!! Eating everything!
With all the side effects, I truly felt like the medicine was doing something. But the fact that I haven’t ovulated yet and side effects are all gone now, has me nervous that it didn’t work at all. Praying with every inch of me that it just hasn’t happened yet and will any day now.

Next on my list... our sweet old man Oscar. He’s been struggling for quite sometime with a few really bad days recently. After a fall this morning and not eating, Jonathan decided it was time to call the vet. He has an appointment tomorrow evening at 6:00 to end all his pain. Jonathan and I are broken hearted and will be grieving him for sometime. But for tonight, I promised to love on him and rub his belly and give him all the treats and make sure he knows how loved he is. We will be staying with him for the euthanasia procedure tomorrow so he hopefully won’t be too scared. It’s going to be so hard, but I always said that putting a loved pet down is the greatest last gift you can give them.
Jonathan and I will be missing a piece of our hearts without him in our home, but we know it’s time, he’s ready.


Next update, my Grandma (dad’s Mom) went into the hospital on Friday 11/17. Heart Failure, COPD. She’s been two packs a day smoker almost her whole life, and at 80 years old... they said she was a walking miracle that she hasn’t been on oxygen before now. Last Wednesday before Thanksgiving, it was looking like we were going to lose her. But what a turn around she made over the next few days! She’s been moved out of the ICU and is improving! Praise God! The power of prayer is truly amazing and I fully believe that it changes things. All of her 4 living children, her 10 grandkids, and 4 great grandkids plus loads of extended family and friends and been praying constantly for her and God has shown us how great he is.

Thanksgiving went by in a blur. Lots of cooking.

We went to a funeral on Saturday for Jonathan’s Aunt’s longtime boyfriend who passed away suddenly.

Two different pregnancy announcements I’ve had to endure. My cousins wife is pregnant with their second child. Which I took that news well. Then my close friend Katie... she’s been also TTC for a few months now, her and I have kept each other up to date. Well she just told me today that she is pregnant. She found out two weeks ago but was scared to tell me for fear of making me sad. Well, I am so incredibly happy for her and her husband. They are wonderful people and so deserve their rainbow baby! But it also makes my heart ache even more, wishing and praying that I will be able to have the same exciting news to share soon.

So ending the post here so I don’t go on and on about how sad I am right now. Going to try to keep my mind calm and keep my eyes on God throughout this difficult time.

Weekend Recap 11/10-11/12

This past weekend was an eventful one. Jonathan left Friday morning for a 3-day racing weekend in Kinston, NC. It’s a small track surrounded by cotton fields. I had originally planned on going with him but he left a day earlier than expected and I had to work. But what a weekend he had!!! Friday night he won the race out of 21 cars! Saturday night he was the Runner up, but still that is awesome to make it to the finals two nights in a row. Then on Sunday, he WON the race AGAIN!!! He was on cloud nine after having such an awesome weekend of racing. I am so incredibly proud of my husband for his determination and joy of racing. He has such a generous heart and spends so much time doing for others; so it makes me extremely happy that he is able to take time for himself doing something that he loves.

Gosh He's such a CUTIE!!!

Saturday was customer appreciate day at our local Tattoo parlor, and as part of the event they had specials on tattoos and a few vendors set up out front to be able to sell their products. My best friend Candace set up her Perfectly Posh table and her sister-in-law set up her LuLaRoe clothing. There were a few other vendors but those were the two people that I knew. So I decided to go up there and get a small one inch tattoo for only $30 (usually the minimum is $60 regardless of how small). I sat up there practically all day because the list was so long, but I figured I got there 9:40, and had waited for hours, I might as well continue to wait and get it done. And I LOVE it!!! (This is my 2nd tattoo. First one is rather large, its the Serenity Prayer on my back.)

After getting my tattoo done, which took the artist Autumn less than 5 minutes to complete, I headed home to finish up the banana pudding I was making for Friendsgiving at my friend’s house. It was my first time making banana pudding so I was a bit nervous about the taste but it was a HIT! There were 2 ingredients that I think made it sooooo good, plus I waited to assemble it right before the party so the cookies would still be crunchy.

 

1 (5.1oz) box of vanilla instant pudding

1 ½ cups whole milk

1 (14oz) can of sweetened condensed milk < secret ingredient #1

12oz cool whip

4 large bananas

1 (11oz) box of vanilla wafers (I didn’t use the whole box)

1 graham cracker pie crust crumbled and sprinkled throughout (my idea) < secret ingredient #2

Whisk first three ingredients until smooth, Fold in Cool Whip then assemble in layers as you see fit. 

 

Friendsgiving is something that I have been going to every year for about 6 years now with the same group of friends. Kathy and Kameron always host and some of the same people go every year. This year was a bit smaller than years past, but it was still so nice to spend some time with these people. We don’t all keep in touch through the year but spending time chatting and just enjoying the company is always a good time.

 

Sunday was my friend’s daughter, Lola’s, 2^nd Birthday. I went over her house a little early to help her prepare for the guests. It was a house FULL of people! And SOOOO MANY KIDS/BABIES/PREGNANT PEOPLE! Kind of put me in a funk during the party but a good friend of mine who is also TTC was texting back and forth with me, which was a good distraction. I was able to vent a little about feeling so out of place at the party, like the only one without a child of my own. Blah blah, I always talk about that so let me stop now.

 

Lola was so stinking cute in her purple tutu! And she LOVED the necklace and bracelet set I got her, she IMMEDIATELTY put them on. Such a girly girl! Loves her jewelry. Also, I was excited to wear my new LuLaRoe shirt and leggings I had purchased on Saturday (yes I wore them to friendsgiving also). Hard to tell in the picture, but the leggings are sooooo cute with Bees on them!

 

After winning the race last night, Jonathan did make the drive home. He arrived around 10:30 and I was so glad to see him. We watched tv awhile, then went to bed. My office manager is on vacation this week, so I am manning the office alone. Hopefully that helps this work week to go by quickly!

Clomid

October 26^th I had my Infertility Evaluation by my regular OBGYN. It went good and as expected. She ordered a semen analysis for Jonathan and wrote me a prescription for 50mg Clomid CD 5-9. We will be doing clomid unmonitored except for if I do not conceive/ovulate at all, she wants to check for OHSS. Everything that I was hoping for and had come to expect is what I got at my appointment and I am so grateful to my Doctor for that. 

I am officially on Day 4 of Provera to induce my next period and am extremely excited and anxious and nervous about trying Clomid for the first time. I have really high hopes that it will be successful in helping me to ovulate. My Doctor agreed with me by looking at my BBT charts that I am not ovulating. If it doesn’t work the first time we can always try again the following month, but I know I will be semi heartbroken if it fails the first round. Don’t get me wrong I am very excited to be finally on a medicine that will HOPEFULLY make my body do what it’s supposed to, but high hopes can come with high disappointment if it doesn’t work. But I need to relax and not stress because I believe that this will work and the Lord will answer our prayers to conceive. 

Jonathan isn’t pleased about having to do a test himself, but I told him if we want help then she wants to see that he doesn’t have any problems that would prevent us from conceiving on top of my problems. The fertility facility is allowing him to collect the sample at home and bring it to them within the hour of his appointment, which is the same day that my period should start. I hope they get the results back to my Dr. quickly so I can know for sure that things are okay on his end before I start the clomid on D5. Which I will start regardless, but just eases my mind to know. 

So, just because I am the kind of person that likes to plan out everything… if you couldn’t already tell how obsessive I am with planning. I will finish my 10 days of Provera 11/12/17, period usually starts 2 days later, so 11/14 would be CD1. Then will take clomid CD5-9 (11/18-11/22), will hopefully ovulate between CD14-CD20 (11/27-12/3). THENNNN, if I did ovulate and we do conceive, then I will hopefully have a positive pregnancy test around 12/13!!! Ok, ok, I know I am crazy obsessing by planning this far out, but a girl can dream right? 

Will be saying lots of prayers that clomid does the trick and we will be able to share some good news with our family for Christmas this year. <3