NINE CURRENT OBSESSIONS!

Thought I would share a post of a few items/products that I am current OBSESSED with! 

 1. & 2. Are both from Eden’s Garden. I have been interested in essential oils for a while now, but just recently expanded my collection. The first one is the Anxiety Ease Synergy Blend. It’s a combination of Sweet Orange, Ylang Ylang and Lemongrass and is AMAZING! I have diffused it twice now and absolutely love it. It is so good I HAD to make a rollerball to carry with me in my purse, so I dabbled in my first oil mixing experience. I used Hemp Seed oil as a carrier. I did 2 drops of anxiety ease per teaspoon of carrier oil. Number 2 is their Frankincense & Myrrh Synergy Blend which is a blend of Myrrh, Cedarwood Himalayan, Frankincense, Cedarwood Virginian and Cistus. I purchased it in the roll-on bottle which is already diluted with Fraction Coconut oil. To explain my excitement over this, you have to understand that Frankincense and Myrrh have been used for over 5,000 years. They were given as gifts to baby Jesus when he was born, along with gold (Matthew 2:11). These oils were of tremendous value in Biblical times and leave me in awe of our amazing God, who commanded Moses to use as an incense to burn at the Alter of Incense (Exodus 30:34). I just find it incredibly fascinating how these oils are still available for use today. I like rub this on my wrists and dab it on my neck before Bible Study, Church, when I am doing my daily devotional, or even when I just want to feel a little closer to God. About this blend, Eden’s Garden says, “Along with a remarkable aroma, it has many antiseptic, anti-inflammatory and analgesic properties that can help support the respiratory system, high cholesterol and chronic pain.”

 3. Lighthouse Avocado Dip & Spread – Last week I decided I want to give my best attempt at following a Keto diet (High Fat, Moderate Protein and Low Carb). My first couple of days I simply tried my best but didn’t actually meet the goal macro’s that was set for me off of a Keto Calculator. I was doing okay on the carbs, eating too much protein and too little fat. I tell you, it is HARD to eat 97g of GOOD fat a day! So after my workout yesterday, I went to the grocery store and browsed looking for things that would help me with this. Along with 3 bags of Pork Rinds, Bacon, Butter & huge bottle of Full Fat Ranch…I picked up this Avocado dip to give a try. IT IS DELICOUS! You can use it as a dip, as a dressing, as a sauce… I put it on my egg and cheese sandwich this morning and it is the perfect addition of healthy fats to my daily meals.

4. Apple AirPods – I had been wanting AirPods since they first came out, and my sweet husband surprised me out of the blue one day a couple months ago with my own pair! I tell you, now that I am back in the gym and using them regularly, I could not see going back to non-wireless headphones. To me they have great sound quality, stay charged for SEVERAL uses before needing to be plugged up, and connect to my phone faster than I can open their carrier and put in each ear.

5. Redken’s All Soft Shampoo – Been using this shampoo for the past month and decided that I was going to purchase another bottle. It leaves my fine hair feeling fuller and softer. It has been hard for me in the past to find shampoos that don’t weigh down my fine hair, so when I find on that I like and works good, I tend to stick with it for awhile.

6. Mrs. Meyers Multi-Surface Everyday Cleaner (Peony) – Can I just stop right hear and acknowledge the fact that this is a CLEANING product that SMELLS AMAZING! I don’t even feel the need to burn a candle when I have wiped down all of our surfaces with this awesome cleaner. It works great on many different areas of my home and its ingredients are at least 98% plant-derived according to Mrs. Meyer’s website. I also have a bottle of their Honeysuckle scent, which smells equally amazing.

7. Olly Prenatal Gummy Vitamin – I have been using this Prenatal Vitamin for a few months now and love that it’s a gummy, tastes good and has all the good stuff my body needs while TTC. I am sad to say I finished off my current container yesterday and am having to switch to a different non-gummy Prenatal temporarily while I am on the Keto diet. This vitamin has 6g of carbs and when I am only allowed 20 net grams of carbs per day… I cannot be wasting them on a vitamin. Don’t worry, I love them so much that when/if I finish the Keto diet, I do plan on going back to these instead of the huge stinky ones I am using for now.

8. In Due Time 60 Day Devotional by Caroline Harries – THIS BOOK! You guys, this incredible, simple, scripture-based devotional has been so good for my soul. It has helped me to adjust my way of thinking and changed my heart for the better. It has also helped me to let go of the hurt, sadness, anger and overall stress I’ve been feeling during this season of waiting I am in. I HIGHLY recommend this book to every woman I know struggling with infertility. 

 9. Hot Tools BEE FLAT – This flat iron by Helen of Troy is amazing. So, I’ve had the same hair straightener for the last 10 years. Recently when I was using it, it made a loud POP!!! I quickly yanked the plug out the wall and threw it away. So I needed to buy a new one. I went to my local Sally’s Beauty and looked at the huge selection available. Immediately my eyes were drawn to this one, probably because of the bright yellow color. But it works awesome. It heats up in seconds and has an awesome safety feature to cut it off after 2 hours, which my last one did not have.

I hope you enjoyed reading about these current Obsessions that have me all kinds of excited right now. Let me know if you have used any of the products/items listed. Happy Tuesday all!

Life Update - Clomid Failed & Mother's Day

Well I haven't put up a post in a little while. Been taking some time to myself. Time to relax and be still. Time to find peace for myself. Time to just step back and STOP obsessing. My third round of Clomid failed. I didn’t even ovulate. Today is CD39 and nothing. Talk about annoying! All that confidence I had going into round 3 wasn’t for nothing though. I did and still do have complete confidence that if the Lord wants us to conceive, he will make it happen. But I really did have SO MUCH confidence that we would be successful with clomid. I was convinced that I would be looking at a positive pregnancy test by Mother’s Day. But my plans/hopes did not line up with what the Lord is wanting for me at this time. I don’t know if it’s a “sign” or not, but I feel that the fact that I didn’t even ovulate is God’s way of telling me that now is not the time and I just need to be patient. I’ve been praying more and more that He will show me the next door I am to walk through. I don’t do well at just being still and feel like I need some sort of something to focus on. 

After a couple weeks of ignoring the gym, I did finally make it back yesterday. Took all the willpower I could muster to make myself go. It’s weird though, because as soon as I got in my car and started driving to the gym, all the desire to stay at home disappeared. Fitness is something that has always fascinated me, but I’ve never actually been a “fit” person. I watch a couple people on Youtube that are fitness “gurus” and it does motivate me and make me want to get fit and take better care of my body. So for now, I am deciding to focus on my body and my food and my fitness. Maybe I’ll do like that Whole30 or something. (I don’t even know what Whole30 is, lol.) I know I need to lose a few pounds. According to US “standards,” I need to lose at least 15lbs to be considered in the “normal weight” range. Well 15 is not a big number… I can do it if I work hard and eat right. So for now, I am going to try to get in a routine and focus on taking care of myself physically and mentally. I know my mental health would improve greatly if I had more confidence in my body. Not only am I out of shape, but my body has continued to let me down. Dumb ovaries not doing what they are made to do! PCOS makes things hard. All the extra weight I carry, is on my stomach. I look pregnant and get asked regularly if I am. I don’t wear fitted shirts anymore because of this. PCOS also makes it harder to lose the weight. PCOS makes me break out terribly with painful acne. PCOS makes me grow hair where I DON’T want it. PCOS makes the hair on my head super fine and fall out. PCOS makes my hormones all kinds of crazy making my moods all kinds of crazy making me feel like a crazy, ugly, hairy person. Just being honest here, my self-esteem is extremely low and kind of always has been. But more so now that I have extra weight bringing me down. I am still down about 15lbs from when I was my heaviest, but would love to knock off another 15. Pulled out my summer clothes recently, and NONE of my shorts fit. Not a single pair. Talk about a wake up call. And I know I cannot blame my weight gain on clomid alone when I've been eating terribly and avoiding the gym.

I did want to touch on Mother’s Day in this post. I made it through gracefully and didn’t lose my mind like I did last year. We had a fun filled weekend leading up to Mother’s Day, so that helped. I took off work the Friday before. Went and got a pedicure, my nails done and even had them do my eyebrows. Jonathan switched his race truck from running on gasoline to alcohol. So we went to a race Friday evening to test it out. No win, but it ran good, a bit faster.

 

It was nice because some of our friends (Clark and Katie) were there also. Katie and I got to ride around on the golf cart and talk and just get to know each other better. I am just so glad that we have become friends with her and her husband because they are such nice people. I know racing is something that Jonathan will be doing for the rest of his life, so it actually feels like the beginning of what will be a lifelong friendship. She and I have been able to relate on some things and she’s been kind of a “confidant” for me. She has encouraged me with the occasional text including scripture or song to listen to, or just checking in. Seeing her faith and how strong it is has really helped me and my desire to grow in my own. I doubt she even knows, but she has helped me tremendously without really even having to try. I need to make sure I thank her for that next time we see each other.

Anywho, continuing into Saturday. I woke up early and went to MCC’s annual yard sale with my mother-in-law. Found us a nice dart board for only $10! We are going to hang it in the garage so Jonathan and I have something fun to do together. I did find a couple other small things, picture frames, lemonade dispenser and a couple cute Halloween figurines. Afterwards, I met up with my Mom. We went to a 1st Birthday party for my cousin’s daughter, which was super cute and quick. Next, we went to N&W Salvage where I bought a couple little things for my flower beds. I went home after that and did some house chores. I was so sleepy from the night before (we didn’t get home until after midnight), I laid down to take a nap and accidently set my alarm for AM instead of PM… I woke up at 3AM completely confused and disoriented. I was going to stay awake at that point, but I am thinking my body just needed the rest because I actually went back to sleep again from 5-8:30. Woke up and went to my mom’s to cook her breakfast.

 HomeChef had a Mother’s Day special for Pineapple Upside-down PANcakes with non alcoholic Mom-mosa’s, so I decided I would cook breakfast for mom instead of going to church this year. I know that I shouldn’t avoid going to church, but last year we went and I was an emotional wreck and decided I wasn’t going to put myself through that again this year. After breakfast, we played a game of backgammon and then I headed home so we could take Jonathan’s mom out on the boat for a ride. I was SOOOOO GLAD to be back out on the water! It was a beautiful day all in all. And I didn’t allow myself to go to that dark place of sadness like last year.

 
 
Mother's Day was actually easier than I expected. I know so many women have had chemical pregnancies, miscarriages, and lost their babies in utero due to other causes , and I am sure that they are hurting even more than myself on Mother’s Day. Now I know that my chemical pregnancy was a baby… or would have been a baby. There wasn’t actually a heartbeat yet, I had no ultrasound. I hadn’t experienced a growing belly or even really wrapped my mind around being pregnant before it was over. And honestly, I kind of don’t feel like I lost a baby. I feel like I lost a pregnancy. Maybe I am wrong for thinking that way, maybe I am right. Maybe I am feeling that way as a defense mechanism. I don’t know the answer to that. But I know that other women lost their babies. They had time to start loving their unborn child. For me, it all happened so fast. I don’t really feel like my loss was as bad as others. And thats the complete truth for me. I understand that this may be an unpopular opinion among my few readers. Yes, I loved the fact that Jonathan and I together, created life. But I just don’t feel like I lost a child and I don’t actually consider myself to be a mother to an angel baby. I think of myself more as, I'll say, a “Mom in the making.” For others that have experienced a Chemical Pregnancy, they may feel differently and that is 100% okay. My feelings about my situation does not take away from others and whether or not they consider themselves to be a mother. And there are definitely Mothers that have miscarried or lost a baby further along and they are definitely Mother’s in my mind. But not me. I can’t really explain why I feel that way. But I can say that I am grateful for these feelings because it has helped me not to grieve continuously over what could have been. Yes, it was the hardest thing I have ever gone though, yes I still have sad moments, but my heart aches soooooo much more for the women whose losses were so much harder for them. I pray that God comforts all of these women because I can only imagine having to go through what others have, and it is absolutely devastating to even think about.

Well that is all I have to update on at this time. I hope each of you had a wonderful Mother’s Day celebrating and being celebrated. I am hoping to start posting regularly again, but not making any promises. Focusing on a goal of losing 15lbs should keep me pretty occupied, and will update when I start making progress.