Filet Mignon Bruschetta

Its Friday, and I wanted to get a post on the blog today. Recently I have tried out some fun and creative recipes and figured I could share one of my favorites on here. There is an Italian Restaurant that Jonathan and I will eat at on occasion called Giambanco's. They have this one appetizer that we order everytime we go because it is so yummy! It is the Filet Mignon Bruschetta, and I decided I would remake it at home as a meal for dinner one night, and boy am I glad I did! It is sooooooo good, you have to try it. I promise you won't be disappointed.

Of course my finished product didn't really look like Giambanco's, it still had the same amazing flavor.

This recipe will make about 5-6 servings as an appetizer OR 2-3 servings as a meal.

You will need:

Asparagus, I used one bunch which had about 24 spears.

2 Medium Onions, sliced in long strips

1 baguette or French bread sliced

2 Filet Mignon, (about 1 lb)

1 Boursin Garlic & Herb cheese spread

olive oil

salt and pepper

First, chop off the asparagus heads at about 3.5-4 inches long. Wash and place in a bowl.

Add a bit of olive oil, salt and pepper and mix around so asparagus is coated. Set to side.

Next, begin to caramelize sliced onion in pan with olive oil or butter.

Once these start to golden, Put asparagus in a separate pan to sauté.

Slice French bread into round crostini's. Toast if desired. Spread decent amount of the Boursin Cheese on each.

 

My husband cooked the steaks outside on the grill about 7 minutes per side for a medium well cook. Once he brought the steaks in, I sliced into strips and began to assemble.

 2 asparagus heads on top of the cheese spread, 1 or two slices of steak on top of asparagus, then the yummy caramelized onions on top of steak.

Ta-da! Enjoy!

Life Update: Moving Forward after Pregnancy Loss

It’s been a little while since I’ve shared on here. I’m sure you can understand after our recent loss that it has taken me some time to mentally level out my emotions, which still swing from one way to the other often. One day I’m angry, the next day I’m sad, then a while later I am happy and positive and motivated. It’s really weird how the mood swings have been. Its funny to think that one day, I am gung ho about going for it again right away, next day I want to wait for a couple months, and other days I think I just want to wait even longer. Not sure quite at this point what I want for sure, and that’s okay. I am giving myself this freedom and time to just take care of me and my needs, while trying to grow from this experience. I will know when I am ready to try again.

My OB retires here soon and 3/9 will be her last day seeing patients. Thanks to her, she called me in one more round of Clomid to take next cycle OR when we are ready. Just having the prescription in my possession has made a world of difference in how I am feeling. Like somehow having it is giving me some kind of control back, that when I am ready to try again, I have what I need. Makes me feel a bit more at peace with this “in between” time of giving my body a break from all the medicine. I always have to remind myself that I have been inducing my periods with Provera for nearly a year now. Then I’ve thrown two rounds of Clomid on top of that. I know that doesn’t seem like much but when it is hormones that you’re messing with, it can have a huge effect on your body and mind.

I really hope that one day I will be able to take this experience I’ve gained, and will be able to share my story and maybe help other women. Right now, I am only this comfortable and confident behind a keyboard. To talk about it in person would probably break me.

I went to have a manicure/fill in this past Sunday, and a girl I went to high school with was sitting and waiting so I sat with her. She had obviously come with a friend who was getting her pedicure done a few feet away and they were talking. Topic of their discussion, a girl who recently had a miscarriage. Then about another girl they knew that miscarried every time she got pregnant. I wanted to either crawl into a corner or jump out of my skin and run out of there. I wasn’t sure which would have been best and was starting to tear up when they finally changed the subject. A few moments later, the girl I knew turned to talk to me. Turns out, it was her first time getting out of the house since having her baby boy about a month prior. Of course she showed me picture on her phone which I dutifully “Awwed” and said “how cute” as she went through a few. When questioned, I simply lied. Said we had started trying, but nothing yet. She said her and her boyfriend tried a couple months then took a break and got pregnant during that time. I was glad she was called next because she was going on and on about maternity leave and giving birth and all the things new mommies like to talk about. I was trying so hard to politely keep the conversation impersonal, so I could keep my emotions in check.



After my nails, I picked up my girlfriend Candace and we went to our friend Kristyn’s “Baby Sprinkle” for her 2nd baby) at Carini’s Italian Restaurant. It was a very short and sweet baby shower, and it was nice to see her and give her a hug. But I so needed a drink after all that. That margarita at the bar following the shower was right on time.





I didn’t really think too much about it until my mom said something to me on Monday. She said she couldn’t believe how strong I was being, spending my time at a baby shower and hanging out with my friend Candace regularly that just had her 2nd baby. I don’t really think I am that strong, because it still gets to me. I still feel the sting and the pain. It hasn’t gone anywhere. The sadness still has a grip on me. But I want to continue to live. I don’t want my sadness and grief stop me from moving forward with life. Infertility has had me in a chokehold I feel like, and now that I know that I CAN (and will again) get pregnant, I want to go back to living my life, not living infertility. I had let it consume me there for a while and it’s good to kind of have a new found sense of freedom. I am getting better every day. I recently started reading a 60-Day Devotional called “In Due Time” by Caroline Harries. It has helped me tremendously over the past few days to realign my thinking and what I am putting my hope in. And having faith that I know one day, God’s promises to me will come true. He would not place these desires in my heart if they weren’t going to be reality. I’ve been trying to pray more and focus more on the fact that anything is possible for God and his timing is and will be perfect. My heart has been feeling a bit lighter since starting the devotional. And I am actually doing it the right way. I am journaling and making notes and reading scripture and digging more into what I am reading. Also, I am sticking to one Devotion a day, instead of reading a whole bunch at once like I have with past devotionals. I highly recommend it to anyone who is struggling with a period of “waiting” for something hoped for, although it is geared towards women fighting infertility.



This weekend I am going to try to get my butt back into gear, starting with house chores. I have fallen behind on just about everything and feel a weekend of being productive at home will do me some good. Jonathan has been working late every night this week so I know he’s going to want to get out of the house this weekend for some fun, making it the perfect time for me to blast my Led Zeppelin Pandora station in the livingroom and get some stuff done!

Early Miscarriage / Chemical Pregnancy

Well, I am so sad to say, but I am no longer Pregnant. I have experienced a chemical pregnancy and it is absolutely devastating. 4 days of pure joy knowing that we were going to be parents, just taken away from us. I had been testing every morning to see the line get darker, and one day it didn't. I didn't think too much into it, but the following morning the test line was almost gone.
Upset, I woke Jonathan up and told him what was going on. I was so distraught and out of tests, Jonathan drove me to CVS to buy more. I got home and took the digital first, "Not Pregnant." I tell you, the pain I felt seeing those words felt like a knife to my heart. I cried out loud in Jonathan's lap. My sobs were simply uncontainable. I called my coworker and briefly explained to her that I was pregnant and now I am not anymore and I could not come to work. She was so extremely understanding and tried to comfort me with a few comments before letting me go. I called my OB who was able to work me in at 2:30 that day. And lastly, I called my mom who we had just told two days before that she was going to be a grandma. It broke me even more to tell her that wasn't the case anymore and I apologized as I felt as she was also robbed of something. I laid in bed crying until it was time to go to my appointment. I yelled out "Why?!" over and over again until my head hurt. I felt like I was going to vomit from being so worked up.
My OB did some bloodwork and a pelvic exam. There was still signs of implantation bleeding but she said with getting 4 days of positive tests, followed by a negative that I was more than likely having a Chemical Pregnancy. She tried to keep me positive that the Clomid worked and I ovulated and got pregnant, so it will happen again. But my sadness over losing this baby overshadowed any positivity she was sending my way. She told me to expect to start miscarrying in the next few days.
Jonathan met me afterwards for an early dinner. We went home and I just cried, and then would relax, and then cried some more. My heart just aches and its a feeling that I am only temporarily distracted from at times. I did return to work the following day and made it through. Friday morning I woke up with the worst cramps I believe I have ever had. I did make it into work, but started feeling sick from the pain. I went to the bathroom and got sick. At that point it was just so real to me that I was starting to miscarry. I couldn't help but to start crying more. My coworker told me to go home. I tried to sit a bit longer and the pain was not easing up, so I reluctantly went home. Jonathan met me there, set me up on the couch with my pillow and covered me up and held me while I just let it out. I know time will heal this hurt I am feeling, but until then I just feel broken. Angry and sad and disappointed and scared that it will happen again (when we decide we are ready to try again). Right now is day 4 of heavy bleeding. And I am hoping it eases soon. I really just want to throw myself into the gym and focus on healing my body and my mind. I would like to lose some of the weight that the 2 rounds of Clomid has caused me to gain. I need sometime to just take care of me before we think about trying again. Not sure how long that will be, but we will just take it one day at a time. I just wanted to put an update on here today. I did just get the call from my OB's nurse with the blood results, my BETA hcg was an 8, which is indicative of a pregnancy that it not viable. I have to go back on Valentine's day to confirm it is back in the "not pregnant" range of 0-5.
I am trying to remain hopeful that next time, everything will work out as its supposed to. But as of today, I am just not ready to completely let go of my sadness. I loved the baby that we had made and wanted him or her more than anything. My heart will always ache for the child I'll never get to know here on this earth.

Pregnant!

(Disclaimer: Sadly, this pregnancy was not a successful one. I started to miscarry only a few short days after finding out I was pregnant.)


I am completely amazed and excited to say that my 2^nd round of Clomid worked! I actually ovulated and SURPRISE!!! I’M PREGNANT! I cannot believe it. Jonathan and I are over the moon with joy that God has given us this precious gift. It feels like we had been trying for so long, and now that it’s actually happened it seems so surreal.

On CD18 I had a pretty large jump in my BBT temp along with my first PEAK reading on the Clearblue advanced fertility monitor.

I thought it was strange that the temp rise indicated I had ovulated the day before. The next day, fortunately was a snow day and I didn’t have to go to work because I was SUPER tender in my right ovary area. I mean, REALLY tender! It hurt to cough even. Around 4:30 that day, I was hurting so bad that I was shaky and felt like I was about to throw up! So I laid in my bathroom floor curled up for about 20 minutes, after which the pain started to subside. Never went away completely though. I thought to myself, “Well I’ve already ovulated, so I don’t know what the heck that was.” I got my crosshairs on Fertility friend the next day for CD 17 so I was really confused. Temps continued to rise and on Saturday, FF moved my crosshairs to CD19, same day I had all the pain! I was amazed but so confident that it was accurate, I had in fact ovulated and we were officially in the TWW.

7dpo I started having the slightest twinges in the center, which of course had me semi excited thinking that I could be implanting. Those little pains continued randomly so I started by testing at 9 dpo, which was negative. 10dpo I had what was the FAINTEST hint of a line you could possibly have, so I wasn’t convinced.

 Took another test that afternoon with just slightly a little more visible but still not really there.

 

I was truly believing that I was pregnant while Jonathan still wasn’t sure. He didn’t think he saw anything and just was sort of in denial while I was jumping around the house like a crazy woman, going to the bathroom every 20 minutes to look at the test again.

11dpo’s test was what I consider to be my BFP!

 It was still super faint, but more visible than the day before. I pulled out a onesie that I have had hidden since we first started TTC and put in by the bathroom sink with the test.

Jonathan woke up around 6:30AM and asked why I was in the living room. I told him he should go in the bathroom and look for himself. Still not completely convinced, I had to go in and point the line out to him. He was immediately on his phone looking up faint lines on google! I thought it was funny that he wasn’t sure whether or not to believe it. After some looking, he agreed that I am in fact pregnant. We spent a little time lying in bed just talking and cuddling and just being happy together in the moment.

This morning, 12dpo, I got a positive on a Clearblue digital.

PREGNANT! That little word has made it feel so much more real. Along with the cramping that I am having, and the way I feel like I’m running a fever is a special little reminder that I have a secret of this little miracle happening inside of me.

Wednesday would be the day my period would arrive so I am still feeling anxious while waiting to see if she stays away, as she should. I am praying that I stay pregnant and have a healthy 9 months ahead of me. I don’t want to dwell on the bad things that could happen because that would take away from the joy I am feeling now. God does answer prayers and he has blessed our lives tremendously with this gift. I am amazed. <3

Get to Know Me

Hello all, I figured I would do a fun tag post today so you can get to know me. So lets get right to it!

Get to Know Me, 25 questions answered

1. What's your middle name? Before getting married, my middle name was Ann. This was also my mom's middle name before she got married. I do have plans to pass down the Ann if I am lucky enough to have a daughter one day.

2. What was your favorite subject in school? Art. I loved anything art related. No I am not a good artist like many people I was in class with. But I enjoyed it and was decent I guess. I took Art 1-5, Ceramics 1-2 and Independent Study all throughout middle and high school. Once I started community college, I took a liking to History. I think its because I enjoyed my professor's method of teaching.

3. What is your favorite drink? Okay, so I of course love water and drink it pretty much all day long. Soda wise, Diet Dr Pepper. Lastly, alcohol wise, I enjoy Moscato, Bud Light or a Whiskey/Bourbon and Ginger Ale.

4. Favorite Song at the moment? Definitely, "O Come to the Alter" by Elevation Worship. I CANNOT stop listening to it. Other than that, Jonathan and I both have been loving LANCO's "The Greatest Love Story" and Blake Shelton's "I'll Name the Dogs"... Both are catchy and super sweet <3

5. What is your favorite food? PASTA, TACOS and ITALIAN STYLE PIZZA! Nope, couldn't pick just one.

6. What is the last thing you bought? I bought some new house plants from Lowes over the weekend. I am ready for winter to be over and spring to come! The greenery in my livingroom makes me feel like spring isn't 57 days away.

7. What is your favorite book? Easy, my Bible.

8. What is your favorite color? Green, or like a tealy blue.

9. Do you have any pets? We currently have 2 female cats, Booger and Lucy. They hate each other. And we have 1 female dog, Kayla. As many know, we had to put down our male dog Oscar last Monday. Its been a tough adjustment to make not having him around. Kayla is having a really hard time. He's been her big brother all her life and she's missing him for sure.

10. What is your favorite Perfume? Ralph by Ralph Lauren has been my signature scent for years.

11. What is your favorite holiday? Christmas... duh. Haha!

12. Are you married? Yes, Jonathan and I got married June 25, 2016 and had been dating since June of 2010.

13. Ever been out of the country? Yes, I went to Mexico with my mom when I was 11. Other than that, Jonathan and I honeymooned in the US Virgin Islands, which is not technically out of the country, but felt like a different world being there.

14. Do you speak another language? I took two years of Spanish in high school, then two years of French. Then in college, I took another 2 semesters of French, and to be honest, it did not stick at all. I can count and tell you my name in Spanish. Also I can say please and thank you. Same goes for French except I could also order a ham and cheese sandwich. Which is good to know at least I won't starve if I was to visit France.

15. Do you have any siblings? No, none of my own. But I inherited several when marrying Jonathan. I gained two half sister-in-laws, two half brother-in-laws, and two step brother-in-laws.

16. Where are your favorite places to shop? Target, of course. I also love Marshall's and Ross. Grocery shopping, I used to be a Food Lion girl, but recently converted to Publix and LOVE IT!

17. What is your favorite restaurant? Mexico is my go to place. But one place I've only been to once and dying to go again is Carrabba's!

18. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday.

19. What is your favorite blog to read? I love Amber Massey's BLOG!!!

20. What is your favorite movie? I guess I don't have a favorite, but I do have a couple that I just have to watch when its on, no matter how many times I've seen it. Twister, The Lost Boys, Nightmare Before Christmas, Forest Gump, Thirteen, just to name a few.

21. What are your favorite TV shows? Okay, so disclaimer... I watch way too much TV. A few shows I loved but are now over. Pretty Little Liars, True Blood, Dawson's Creek, One Tree Hill. Shows I watch currently, The Bachelor, Nashville, The Good Doctor, Shameless, Modern Family, The Big Bang Theory, and my current favorite... This Is Us <3

22. What do you do in your free time? In times where I have absolutely nothing to do, I tend to gravitate towards Youtube. I watch a few people regularly. LaVitaDiMeg/Megan Leigh is one that I have watched for years (I love her!), KKandbabyJ, Aaryn Williams, OKBaby, RawAlignment are a few that I always watch.

23. What kind of phone do you have? iphone 7 plus.

24. How tall are you? I am 5'2, 5'3 on a good day.

25. Do you cook? Yes, I love to cook and bake and try all kinds of new foods. I am married to a picky eater though, so I don't get to experiment as much as I'd like.

I hope you enjoyed getting to know me just a little better, even if its not anything deep or super personal. I may try to do more "tag" posts like this in the future to try to keep content coming. Super easy to answer a bunch of questions vs writing about my day to day all the time.

Weekend Recap : 1/4-1/8

It SNOWED! Last Wednesday night into Thursday we got about 5 inches at my house, which was enough to give me a snow day off from work. I was so happy to have that day. I would say I LOVE snow, but it would kind of be a lie. I love how pretty the snow is and I love when I get a snow day off from work, but I don't actually care to spend time out in the snow at all. Too cold!

Since I had the day off, I was able to get so much done around the house. I cleaned our bedroom from top to bottom, changed sheets, dusted, vacuumed, did laundry, reorganized Jonathan's dresser and put away all of his summer clothes (late I know). I was so happy with how much I accomplished I decided to take it easy the remaining part of the day and watched two movies, "Personal Shopper" and "Get Out."

Friday, I did have to return to work but it was a good day. And since it didn't feel like Friday, that made it even better. I also worked Friday evening in our home office for about 3 hours. I had to close out everything for the end of 2017 so we can prepare for tax time.

Saturday, Jonathan and I decided we would just spend the day together. We went to the bank and post office, got breakfast, then decided to ride around and just look at the snow. We first went to the local boat landing so we could see the ice floating on the James River. It wasn't completely iced over, but was still cool to see.

Made me sad though because here locally, we just had 2 young men go missing on the river. They went out on Wednesday to repair some duck blinds; I am guessing the wind must have flipped their boat. Rescue efforts the next day were difficult due to weather, but eventually those rescue efforts became a recovery mission. They are now looking for bodies because there is no way the pair would have survived with how cold it has been, especially if they were thrown into the water. I went to high school with one of the guys, didn't know him personally. Just had me thinking about them as we were looking at the ice on the river. I know their families world's are falling apart and I cannot help but to hurt for them. Breaks my heart to know that more than likely, these two boys are dead, and their families don't even have bodies to bury at this point.

After leaving there, we went to Battlefield Park to ride through there and see a few trenches. It was way to cold to get out and walk around, so we just made a short drive through. I've always found American History to be very exciting and fascinating, so its always a treat to ride through and talk about the Civil War fought, pretty much right in our backyard.

 We were going to continue riding around for pleasure, but Jonathan got a service call and had to go to work. The rest of the day was spent lazing around the house and dinner at the Shake Shop/Sandston Bistro.

Sunday, we woke up around 10. It was too late for us to shower and get ready for church. I've been feeling a disconnect lately and I think its because I have not been to church in a while. We also have missed several Bible studies over the last few weeks because of work/sickness/life. I am needing to refocus and realign myself. We do plan on attending study this Thursday, and I am so looking forward to it. Since, we didn't go to church Sunday and since Jonathan has been going stir crazy with the cold weather, we decided to shop/window shop. We went and got lunch at the mall, they have the best Teriyaki Chicken! Then we went to Green Top, Bass Pro, Marshalls and Best Buy! I bought a few things for the house, spring décor mostly. Jonathan bought us a 4K movie player and two movies. He also needed a new Carhartt jacket since his zipper broke on his other one. Being someone who works inside of freezers, in attics and on the roofs of buildings, he has to stay in a nice work coat that will hold up to rough wear and tear. After shopping, home to laze around the house some more. All in all it was an uneventful weekend.

I finished taking the 5 days of Clomid on Sunday, so I am ready to get things going! Pretty uneventful this go around. I am thinking its because I knew what to expect while taking it. I had a couple headaches, a couple hot flashes, some moodiness and a few small/quick pains in the ovary area. I know the cramps/twinges will more than likely just increase over the next few days, and I am just praying that I actually ovulate like I am supposed to!

Year in Review - 2017

Since we are coming up on the start of the New Year, I thought I would take a look back at all the fun things we did and accomplishments that were made in 2017.

First and foremost, I actually followed through with my 2017 Resolution, which was to read the entire Bible. I started in the beginning of the year and finished around May/June if I remember correctly.

GOODBYE 2017!

January

Ashley's Birthday at Mexico Restaurant 

SNOW!

Bowling night with the Wood family!

Bought my first SUV

More bowling with friends

February

Started HOME renovations

Jonathan got his first Kidney stone, first ER visit, and first IV all in the same day! I know, not an accomplishment but it was a first.

Richmond Dragway had their 2016 Racer's Banquet where Jonathan came in 5th place and was awarded Rookie of the Year. (Unfortunately, we weren't aware he won anything so we weren't there. A friend sent this pic to us.)

I joined the YMCA! Jonathan QUIT SMOKING! We went on a boat ride in FEBRUARY!

Celebrated my cousin and his wife's pregnancy at her baby shower!

Went to a Nascar Party and won the pool!

 

March

 I burned my hand pretty bad with some hot soup. Made Spaghetti Squash Spaghetti for the first time.

Went to my 2nd LUKE BRYAN concert!

More fun girl time. 

Ed's 60th Birthday Party!

April

Racing season started.

I chopped off my long hair!

WE BOUGHT A GOLF CART!

Me and my friend Megan went to the Good Friday Mud Bog!

Easter Festivities at my friend's church. 

Lunch with Pampaw and Beaby in Farmville.

Wine Tasting Party

Realized the cyst on my face is back and would need to be removed again.

More racing

Boat ride with Mom and Ed

May

Lunch with Jonathan's Mom for her Birthday at Texas Roadhouse.

CYST BE GONE!

Dinner with Mom and Granny for Mother's Day.

My cousin's baby Dakota is born!

Racing

Memorial Day at Lake Anna

June

Started seeing a Chiropractor

We eat, sleep, breath drag racing.

Pool Day/Karaoke Night with Ashley and Amy equals too much fun!

Swimming at Momma's

Boat hair don't care

Jonathan's 31st Birthday - annual trip to SC for fireworks

Father's Day lunch

Our first Anniversary - Boating together

July

Independence Day at Lake Anna  

Boating / Jet Skis

Hubbie got his Indian Tan going on <3

We are officially HOMEOWNERS!

Started the Nutrisystem Diet

August

Corolla, NC trip with the Martin's

Dirt Racing at Newtown

Jet Ski riding

Traded in my GMC Acadia for my FORD EXPLORER <3

My 27th Birthday was on the same day as the Total Solar Eclipse!

Mine and Granny's Birthday dinner

Meet Baby Carter!

James River Gravel Pit Party with Amanda, WE TOOK THE SKIS OUT BY OURSELVES!

Started Charting BBT

September

RACING/WINNING

Cousin's Bridal Shower

Family Reunion in Roanoke

Boating is my favorite.

Lake Anna Relaxing

I've LOST 23 LBS!!! (which I have unfortunately put a lot back on over the holiday)

October

Jonathan and I got Baptized <3

Phyllis's Baby Shower

Candace and Guy are having another GIRL!

Infertility Evaluation

Halloween FUN

November

Nicole and Tyler got married!

Got a New Tattoo, Friendsgiving, and Lola turned 2!

Started Clomid

Thankgiving

December is in my previous post, dinner with friends, visiting with family, hanging lights, Christmas decorating, buy gifts, etc.

It really feels like 2017 flew by, but by looking back at these memories, we had a lot of fun! No wonder it went by in a flash!