Weekend Recap 5/19-5/21

This weekend was soooooo B U S Y. But with a bunch of good stuff, so I can’t complain.

My cousin Brian and his wife just welcomed their first child, Dakota Skylar into the world and of course I was dying to meet her. So Friday after work, I picked them up dinner and a bunch of snacks, then headed to their house. Dakota is a precious little angel, and slept in my arms without a peep for about an hour. So I got what I call my “baby fix” for a little while, until I can get my hands on another one.

 Chelsea (Brian’s wife) is such a doll, and I am so glad that her and I get along so well and relate on a lot of things. Age differences have tended to keep me from being close with majority of my cousins, but Brian and Chelsea, along with my husband, we have been able to do some double dates and have gotten really close. I am so thankful for that.

Saturday was RACEDAY!

We drove out to Colonial Beach Dragway for the race. Jonathan’s mother joined us so I had someone to ride around with me on my golf cart for the day. I know she enjoys being able to get out of the house and cheer on her son while he’s racing. (Even if he lost in the 3rd round.) Yes, she can still drive me crazy just like anyone’s mother-in-law can, but we have a great relationship and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Sunday, I woke up bright and early and went to a new church called Hill City with my sister-in-law. The sermon was great. Majority of what he talked about was temptation, with the focus being on building stronger relationships. We discussed how giving into temptation can lead us to worship false idols (money, alcohol, sex, etc.). And we also discussed how we are only able to overcome these temptations if we have a better plan for ourselves and our future. A plan that focuses on God and growing in our faith. Because when we have a plan in place, our thought process is based on commitment to the plan and off of temptation. I thoroughly enjoyed the service, I thought the environment was great, the people were friendly and I will be back.

Jonathan and I then met with a couple that we are friends with for a lunch date at Kabuto’s for some hibachi. It was our first time hanging out just the four of us, so I was somewhat worried if conversation would flow or feel awkward. But it went well, and lunch was of course delicious. I really like the couple that we hung out with, they are good people with a God focus. They are a little bit younger than us, we all don’t know each other well and still learning what our interests are and what to talk about with each other. Sometimes new friends can be difficult to relate to at first, but I think we will get there the more we hang out. Which we will see them again this coming weekend for the points race. Hopefully we will actually follow through with the plans because we are all really busy people and schedules are always crazy. Jonathan and I need a couple to be friends with like them in our lives, so we can learn and grow in our faith and relationship. As they say, Iron sharpens Iron. I hope to always surround myself with people of good integrity and morals.

After lunch, we went to a first birthday party for Jonathan’s niece. Stella was absolutely adorable in her pink tutu!

Her momma did an awesome job throwing her party. I was glad that she wanted us to be there because unfortunately, Stella’s dad (Jonathan’s step brother) is locked up and has never even met his daughter. It is a sad long story that isn’t mine to tell. But I give props to her for being a mom and a dad to Stella and putting on a brave face through it all. I made sure that I let her know that I think she is doing an amazing job raising her daughter on her own.

So, that’s that for the weekend. Its Monday now, and work was hectic today. Glad that I took off Thursday and Friday for vacation and we are closed next Monday for Memorial Day. MY FIRST VACATION SINCE OUR HONEYMOON! – and I cannot wait!

Celebrating Mother's Day

Mother's Day. Its a day that can mean so many different things to different people. It can be a day to celebrate your Mother. For some it may be a sad day because their mother is no longer with them here on earth. It could also be a day of anger if your mother has chosen to not be a part of your life. It could even be an exciting day for some who are celebrating their first year as a mother. But for a woman who is TTC, it can be a whole bunch of feelings all mixed together. For me, it was a day to be thankful for my mother, stepmother, mother-in-law, stepmother-in-law, and all the other mother figures that I have in my life. It was also a day of sadness, anger, grief, anxiousness, and overall awareness of my lack of a child to call me their mother.

 

Leading up to Mother's Day I was quite cranky and not the most pleasant person to be around. My husband was constantly asking me "What's wrong with you?" and my response of course, "NOTHING!" Yes, I will say I was very unpleasant to be around for the most part. Part of this is because I had gotten negative tests morning after morning. Yesterday was Mother's Day, which I got another negative first thing in the morning. I have accepted it now, this was not my month. I did not conceive. I am not pregnant. ACCEPT IT KATELYN! If Jonathan knew that I was testing every morning he would think I was a crazy person, and maybe I am. But for a woman that is dreaming of being pregnant and becoming a mother, Mother's day is just a whirlwind that leaves you somewhat dumbfounded on how exactly to feel. And honestly, I think its okay for me to be feeling all of the things that I am feeling right now. I have every right to be happy, sad, angry, cranky, confused, bothered, jealous, and a little low on hope.

 

After the start of yesterday morning with me being a complete butt head to Jonathan, all because he got in the shower with me and I wanted to shave my legs to wear a dress to church... and I couldn't very well stretch out and shave with him in the shower! So I got out, threw a fit and made an ass of myself. I think a lot of this has to do with my OCD tendencies (Dr's words, not mine). When my plans get changed or thrown off, it just throws me for a loop and seriously messes with my head and its just very difficult for me to move on with new plans. Find a new outfit Katelyn, you don't have to wear a dress. But its just not that simple for me to move on sometimes.

 

Fast forward to church. (I ended up wearing a really cute pair of white capris, and only had to shave from the knee down haha!) Church service was very nice. It was all about Overcoming and Hope and I was really enjoying it. Then a woman, probably mid thirties, got up on stage with her husband and little boy who was probably a little over a year old. She told her story how at age 20 she was told she had endometriosis and would have to have a hysterectomy by age 25. She explained the turmoil she went through thinking that she may never be able to have a child of her own. She talked about the sting she felt every time there was another pregnancy announcement on facebook, or even worse... someone announcing the were pregnant again. She laid her heart out there and pretty much took my exact thoughts and feelings and voiced them to the whole church. I was sobbing. I mean big old alligator tears that would not stop falling. Even after she was done and we were singing and closing prayer I could not stop crying. I am sure Jonathan's mother was thinking "what in the world?!" But she was kind enough to not mention it after service was over. Jonathan said he knew as soon as she started talking that I was going to get emotional. But I was able to tell him that at least now you know exactly what has been weighing on me and what I feel day after day. And now he can start to be more sensitive to what I am feeling and thinking. There is always a constant reminder of what I am lacking, with all the pregnancy announcements going around and babies all over the place. #thepregnantwomenarestalkingme (this gave me a chuckle when she said this during her testimony) But dang! I feel like I cannot get away from it! Anyways, her story ended happy. No hysterectomy and she did conceive. Now has a happy and healthy little boy to thank God for everyday.

 

Its not like I have been told I won't have a child...but sometimes that's what it feels like. Yes, we are only going into our 6 month trying... but it still feels like it may not ever happen. It still stings. It still hurts. One line is still one of the most discouraging things to have to see. But I am going to keep having hope and I going to overcome this, I am going to be a mother one day. I am going to hold on to hope that God is already working the plan that he has for me and when and what he has in store for my life, regardless of what that may be, I know that it is good because God is good and he wants good things for me. In my heart, I know that he will allow me to conceive when the time is right. Until that day, I will continue to celebrate all of the mother's around me, friends, family, and my sweet sweet mother.

Here's a couple pictures from Mother's Day dinner at the Crustacean Boil and Grill, it was AMAZING!

I cannot wait to get my stitches out tomorrow morning, they're itching like crazy!

My momma and my Granny 

My mom's long time boyfriend Ed.

<3

YUM!

v