So I am not one of those people who track ovulation by
taking tests or temping, simply because I am already an anxious person as it is
and the added stress of peeing on a stick multiple times a day or trying to
read a chart of temperatures does not appeal to me at this time. This may change if time continues to pass without success.
Because of this, I simply base my “O” date by symptoms.
Skipping all of the little details that would be way more information that you
want, I will say that today is 5 dpo. Which I could be off by a couple days, or
I could be completely wrong and may not have ovulated at all. With all that in
mind, I am still so hopeful that we will conceive this cycle.
This TWW though is for the birds… it is no fun at all and is going soooooo slow. Every
day I am thinking about where in the conception process we would be if I did
ovulate. Every single little thing I feel, I consider to be a symptom. Then I
feel silly for thinking it’s a symptom when I already know that implantation
does not even take place until about 7dpo, and you cannot have “real” symptoms
until implantation occurs. I have already decided that I will take my first
test on 5/9 (10dpo). Now when I say that I have never seen a positive pregnancy
test, I mean NEVER. I have never even seen anything that could even be mistaken
as a positive. Its always stark white, one line, utter disappointment. So when
the day comes that I finally see that second line, there should be no confusion
on whether or not it is positive.
Then there is the praying. I pray every day, multiple times
a day. I repeatedly ask God to allow me to conceive and become a mother. I know
that God has control over these things, not me. Which, being a control freak,
its really hard for me to accept the fact that no matter how many vitamins I
take, how many times we make love or what days we do, it will not change the
fact that it is only God who will make it happen and in the right time.
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by
prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present you requests to God. And the
peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and
your minds in Christ Jesus.
This verse is extremely encouraging to me and I try to
remind myself of it daily. I need to never forget who is in control and with
Him, all things are possible.
I guess the reason I felt like writing all this, is because
I just watched Ellie and Jared’s “first pregnancy test” video where they are TTC
#3. She is 10dpo and got a negative test result. I admire her so much for being public and
open with her journey but I know what she is feeling when looking at that
negative test. It’s really hard to explain the feeling unless you have been
there. I believe it’s different for couples who are trying for their first
child versus second, third, etc. And even more of a difference in the feelings of
someone who is trying and failing versus one who was not trying and fell pregnant.
For someone who has conceived before and has a child, I understand that there
is disappointment from a negative test, but it doesn’t really compare to what a
woman feels who has never had a child or been pregnant and they want more than
anything to become a mother. It’s a little more daunting on the childless than it
is for someone who already has a child and knows that they are capable of
becoming pregnant.
Well enough pregnancy talk for now… I’m sure I will have
plenty more to say at a later time.
An update on the home buying process; we did not get
approved for a mortgage due to the way company taxes were filed Jonathan’s
first year in business. Unfortunately, it is something that we had no control
over, or it would have been done correctly. That being said, our landlord
called us this morning and has offered to owner finance for us at a slightly
higher interest rate. We are T H R I L L E D that he has been generous enough to make
this offer to us. I’m sure there are many details to work out before we can say
for sure it will happen, but we are hoping to be homeowners by June 1st!!
Other than this, we are just doing the day to day living.
We still attend Bible study once a week. I have grown to
really enjoy knowing that at least once a week we get to have fellowship and
discuss/learn about the truth that is available to all of us in God’s word.
Right now we have been talking about Baptism. What it is, what happens when you’re
baptized, and the importance of doing so. Next study we are going to be
discussing how to continue living faithfully after baptism. I am really excited
for that topic because now that I know how important it is to be baptized, I
really want to do so. But I am really concerned about life after baptism, and
what exactly that looks like. I think after our next discussion, I may take a
little time studying to myself and praying about it, but I think that God has
been giving me the desire to get baptized. I want to be an obedient child of
Christ, I want to receive the Holy Spirit, and I want to be cleansed of my
sins. But I think I have a little more maturing to do in my faith before doing
so. I need a little more understanding of what is occurring when I am buried with
Christ and resurrected with Him. I think my knowledge of the crucifixion will
help me with this, and I know exactly how to get this done. One thing on my to
do list before getting baptized is to finish reading the Bible. I finished the
Old Testament a few weeks ago, and ready now to start the New Testament.
Other than that, nothing too exciting going on. Weekends are
spent at the drag strip or on the boat, weather permitting. I LOVE my days out
on the boat, but I have started to kind of love being at the drag strip as
well. I am no racer, but I’ve finally made some friends and gotten comfortable
enough to where I feel like I belong there and I am not in the way. Plus, it helps
that my hunnie bought me a super cool golf cart to scoot around on while we are there (I
am so spoiled).
Posted twice in one week! Go me!
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